God Helps Me

 I was thinking about how we used to do earthquake drills at school to prepare us if there was an earthquake.

When we practiced there was no fear at all because we weren't going through an actual earthquake. I was kinda boringly going through the motions because it wasn't effecting me at the moment. But i did it and remembered it.

Also growing up in San Diego and being at the beach a lot I was taught what to do if I was caught in a rip tide in the ocean. I Learned it and remembered it.

I also was taught how to punch properly if I ever had to defend myself. I would practice punching my Dads hand (trying my best to perfect proper form)

I eventually got in each of those situations that I was taught. And in each situation I knew what to do automatically because it was taught to me, and it worked.

I was really glad those things were taught to me. I was taught because someone cared. They had the wisdom to know what I needed to learn before I did.

I was thinking that it's like that with the Bible. Some things I learn from the Bible I don't use right away. I tuck it away in my mind and I may have to use it later. God knows what I need to learn and know. He wants me to know what to do and how to act when I get in situations. When I apply His wisdom and instruction things go well.

Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with emotion when a scary situation arises, that I can freeze up and respond out of fear and go off course and not apply what I've learned.

I felt that way when my daughter was battling cancer. The Lord had to remind me what Scripture said to encourage me and so I wouldn't spiral down being led by my emotions. His good truths and instructions carried me through.

But I really battled. I didn't always hold on to His words very well during that time. I felt so emotionally weak, scared, and it was hard to watch her go through what she went through. I would let my emotions take over a lot.

When I believed what God said and listened to His instruction I did much better.

I was thinking that everything that's going on in my life God does have instruction in the Bible for me to apply to my situation.

I just have to trust what He says, apply it, and try not to go off course by making decisions or react based on my fears and emotions.

And He is so good to carry me through. I love how He's always there when I ask for His help. Some things I just can't do without His supernatural help. Some things are just too hard. But I'm so glad He's there to coach me through and help me.

Pushing Reset

 

As we get older, tapes in our head from our past keep increasingly running over and over in our minds without ceasing. Lies we believe about ourselves based on negative past experiences.

 We learn for years how to live functional lives despite the continuous negative self talk that goes on in our minds. But as we get older you hit a point where you can't take the negative self talk anymore.

 You finally reach an age where you've learned the right truth on how to think about yourself and your negative past experiences. You just have to apply it.

 But it's so easy to let autopilot take over your thoughts like you've always have and let the same negative things speak into your head.

I have to consciously reset my mind and force myself to think differently when this happens. 

It's like the trip odometer in my car. 

When I start to go down a negative thought about myself, I have to stop in the middle of it and force myself to reset the whole thought. I begin to start thinking rightly how to think about myself or about a situation. 

Example: A negative intrusive thought came in my mind tonight that I'm not successful. 

I looked at the reset button in my car and said to myself, "reset that thought and start over."

I then asked myself, "What is success to you?" I said, "Things I view successful in my life is my relationship with God, my family, the love and joy I feel around my grandsons, the freedom I feel in being self employed, having complete control of my schedule and life when it comes to work, and many more things. 

Success isn't about who makes the most money. Success means so many things. Success has so many wonderful definitions and being provided for with money is just one of them."

I have many different things daily that I have to stop and reset and take the time to inject truth in my head. 

It is very true that the battle in our minds is one of the biggest battles of all to fight. 

I just have to keep resetting my mind when negative intrusive thoughts come in.

 I need to be kind to myself and also forgive myself and others the same way God does. 

God is on our side. He helps us in this. And tonight I was reminded that even if we aren't guaranteed the security of others unconditionally loving us and forgiving us, God always always will. And that's extremely comforting. With Him we are never ever alone. 

- Marsi's 5am thoughts ❤️

The Gifts In Suffering

 

Sometimes suffering and fear is a gift. It can draw us closer to God and cause us to reevaluate whats most important. It also can give us an urgency to find out the truth about the eternal when we think it's possible we might be near it. And if we're not near it, God shows us how we can depend on Him to give us peace instead of holding on to our anxiety through the uncertainties of our issues. 

There's been many times in my health journey in the last 8 months that I've been so anxious and overwhelmed with fear. And questioning that if I died, would I really go to heaven. Eternity is so final and has always been a healthy and unhealthy fear for me.

Ever since I became a Christian I've always battled this. God has to continually remind me that I am His and I we'll spend eternity with Him because of what Christ has done, not because of any good things I did to earn it.

 I'm not sure why I always battle with this but I think I always will at times. But God always reminds me that I'm good with Him and I'm so grateful for His reminders and mercy.

So when your vulnerable, scared, need help from the only one who can really help, He (God) is standing right there ready to be there for you and comfort you when you turn to Him. 

I have so much anxiety dealing with medical stuff without His words of comfort. His words comfort me. But the amount of time I spend with Him makes a difference. It's the difference between anxiety or peace. 

When I hear from Him I have peace. When I get distracted with other things and stressful issues come up I'm completely anxious.

When things are going smooth and you hear these words it might be like, oh yeah that's true. But when you're in an anxiety feared state words like this is a lifeline. 

God told me to share these words. Maybe someone needed a lifeline. I hope this helps you ♥️.

P.S. I think my health will probably be fine and resolved eventually. I'm just sharing with you the emotional journey that Ive been going through. And if somebody can relate I hope this encourages you to draw closer to God and get encouraged by Him. He truly does give you peace by hanging on to every word He says.

My favorite scripture is Matthew 28:20.

 

Jesus says, " I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

It's so comforting knowing He's with you 24/7 and not missing a thing. He knows you, loves you and will help you through everything (if you will let Him) till the very end ♥️.

 God gave me the Scripture, Isaiah 12, to encourage me before I went in to have a procedure today. I was so anxious before I read it. But after I read it I had so much peace. God is good ♥️

God First Loved Us

 

I was thinking about my cat on how much I love her. I realized though why I love her so much. Its because she loves me so much. I seem to be her favorite human above all others.

Its hard to resist something that loves you that much. You can't help but to automatically love back. If she didn't love me and resisted me all the time, I wouldn't have a special affection for her at all. It's the same with humans. Its easy to love people that love you.

This reminds me of the Lord. If He didn't love me, I wouldn't love Him. I would have no affection for Him at all. But because of how much He shows He loves me, His love is impossible for me to resist ❤.

He initiates, sustains, and He is Love.

The only reason we can love Him is because He first loved us.

(1 John 4:19)

"We love Him because He first loved us."

(The whole time I was writing this my cat (Bella) was right in front of me staring at me and purring, lol. (I took her picture) She always wants to be around me. So cute. 

Which reminds me that the Lord loves to be around me and spend time with me too. So thankful ❤

Trust In The Lord

I wrote this when June was battling cancer. It applies to me now as well  with so many things happening in this world that I can't control.

TRUST IN THE LORD

It's an awful feeling when you feel powerless in a critical situation. Its feels like a strong man that someone has chained down. He feels powerless.  unable to move. 

He doesnt want to give up, so he constantly tries to figure out ways to get himself free from the chains, so he can do something in the situation with his strength. But nothing works. His strength is not strong enough.

 It frustrates him and he worries that without his help the critical situation won't get better.  His chains are securely on him with only one person holding the key.

 He talks to the Man holding the key but the Man says, "trust Me. The battle is Mine. Your human strength can't work in this situation. Only My supernatural strength can. I've tied you down physically so you are only limited to use supernatural strength. The power of prayer. 

Trust Me and have faith in Me He says. I'm much stronger than you anyways. I can do the job. Stop thinking that you can fix this. The battle is Mine. Rest and let Me fight for you."

The strong man gave a big sigh from exhaustion and relief and said, "Ok, I'll trust You."

Seek And You Will Find

I was thinking about this crisis we're in. How a crisis is sometimes good for us ironically. The scariest times in our lives can be an unexpected gift.

When my daughter battled cancer it was such a scary awful time. But she says now that the results of what she went through caused her to seek God and ask Him if He would reveal Himself to her, to show her if He was real. And He did show her. And now she believes in Him and is right with Him.

She said if she wasn't brought to the end of herself and at deaths door, she probably wouldn't have sought Him out. She said cancer saved her soul.

A lawyer client I used to have used to love to ask questions about my faith and we'd go back and forth talking about religious topics. 

He was always so angry that God let his mother suffer when she was dying. He said that she was so kind and such a wonderful person. Why did she have to go through that he'd say.

I prayed and prayed in my head asking the Lord for wisdom to give my client some comfort and insight as I felt really bad for him.

The Lord popped something in my mind. I told him that my grandma was suffering as well leading up to her death. My grandma had mentioned that she didnt realize that she wasn't ready to die. She said she had to get right with the Lord with some things she didn't realize was in her heart.

I told him that maybe God knew his mom needed more time to get right with Him like my grandma did. And that maybe the suffering was part of that process. A kindness that didnt seem like a kindness but in the long run it was.

I feel like us humans can be extremely stubborn, including myself. Suffering can cause us to cry out to God, see things in a different perspective, even can save our souls.

I was thinking, how many people really think about death? We usually only think about it seriously and get nervous about the afterlife when we're at deaths door, or when someone we know dies. And it's crazy because its inevitable for all of us to die. We're all going to die someday, we just dont know when.

We all know stories of people who woke up not knowing they would die suddenly that day, and we also know people that knew they were dying and had some extra time to ponder and plan about life and eternity.

This crisis is another reminder that we are not invincible. Many of us will definitely survive it, but I hope this causes us all to check ourselves where we're at spiritually and ask ourselves, am I right with God? If I were to die am I going to make it to heaven? It's the most important decision we all can possibly make.

I'm not a know it all, and I hope no one thinks I'm talking down to anyone. I just care and want everyone to be in heaven someday ❤.

I see death a lot working at the funeral home for the last 13 years. Mostly elderly people that have lived a long life that had plenty of time to ponder about life and death. Yet also alot of younger people as well that died quickly without warning.

When I look at them I always think, where did they go? I see a body that has no soul in it anymore, just a body that used to carry it. Their soul went somewhere, I just don't know where. I dont know what they decided on this earth that determined where they went for eternity. I dont know most of them. I can only read their obituaries and hope.

It really puts life in proper perspective.
I hope this crisis puts things in the right perspective too.

God is a loving God. He says this in Scripture:

"And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:13

Trust In The Lord

My grandma used to tell me that when people lose their temper it's because they dont feel in control. There's a lot of things we're not in control of right now. But I know God is.

I learned a long time ago that I can't put my trust and hope in man. I will be very disappointed if I do. And very stressed out might I add.

I can only feel at peace when I put my trust in the Lord.  Because no matter what's going on around me, I know God is bigger than it all and He is perfect.

 We can go to Him anytime, night or day, and pour out our hearts to Him. I love that!

He will listen and act accordingly to what He deems best for our lives and or for His plans.

He will certainly not turn away from us when we call out to Him.

So whatever our government decides on our behalf that we dont agree with and we feel powerless in the situation, we dont have to feel powerless at all. We have a God that is more powerful than any government or anyone.

A government can't possibly take care of every person's individual needs. There's so many specific situations that falls through the cracks like this crisis we're in.

I know I have tremendous peace from the single fact that I put my trust in God, and not man, to take care of all my needs and for the needs and concerns I have for others. He's the best One we can put our trust in and go to.

 God definitely blesses us with people He's put in our lives and blesses us through them. He also gives us dependable people we can count on as well. But I know I would never be able to be at total peace unless I knew I had God to depend on. He is my dependable solid rock. I know He will never fail me. He is going to be with me and help me all the way to the end of this life here and whatever I have to endure. I know I'm guaranteed that.

God can be trusted with our lives. We just need to go to Him and not put our faith and hope in man. Or we will feel unstable, disappointed. and possibly lash out at others because we don't feel in control.

I'm holding on to the One that's always in control so it will help me to be.

(Just my random thoughts for today)